Narcissistic relationships tend to follow a distinct and cyclical pattern consisting of four key phases: idealization, devaluation, and discarding, hoovering, which can occur repeatedly, trapping a person in a continuous loop of emotional turmoil.
1. Idealisation Phase
This initial stage is characterized by excessive admiration and attention – the ‘love bombing stage.’ The narcissist projects an idealized image of themselves, showcasing charm, cognitive empathy, and affection to lure the victim into the relationship. During this phase, the victim often experiences a heightened sense of emotional connection and well-being, unaware of the manipulative undercurrents.
2. Devaluation Phase
As the relationship progresses, the narcissist gradually shifts from adoration to criticism. This phase is marked by emotional withdrawal (stone walling, silent treatment), gaslighting, projection, smear campaigns, triangulation, and demeaning behaviours. The abuser undermines the victim’s self-esteem and reality, leading to confusion and self-doubt. The inconsistency between the initial idealization and subsequent devaluation creates a psychological dependence, leaving the victim yearning for the return of the ‘ideal’ person they first encountered.
3. Discarding Phase
In this stage, the narcissist may abruptly end the relationship or gradually become more distant. This phase can involve emotional, psychological, or even physical abandonment. The victim, already eroded by constant devaluation, is left feeling worthless and devastated. However, this discarding is often not permanent. Narcissists may return to previous victims, restarting the cycle with a renewed phase of idealization.
4. Hoover phase
In this stage: Hoovering, sometimes called “narcissistic hoovering” is a manipulative tactic used to lure or suck a person back into a relationship they’re withdrawing or stepping away from. It’s a way of reasserting power and control and perpetuating a cycle of abuse.
Understanding this cycle is crucial for recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse when it’s happening. Victims often feel trapped in the cycle due to a complex mix of emotional dependency, diminished self-esteem, and the intermittent reinforcement of affection and attention accompanied with abuse.
Breaking free requires education, support, and often professional guidance to navigate the deeply ingrained psychological impacts of Narcissistic abuse. Feel free to contact me for further information or enquiries.
